I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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