Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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