new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
