Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
