you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
