Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
