So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
