Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
