He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just had sex bonerless
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
