So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
