Got a toothbrush?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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