I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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