Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
