Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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