whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
