i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
