I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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