and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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