i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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