hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
