I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
