You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
