He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
