I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
