Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
