A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
