I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
