just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
