If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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