Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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