It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
