I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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