we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
