Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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