this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
