just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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