My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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