I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pappa wants mamma naked
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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