I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
