so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
