She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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