ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
