Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ladies don't puke and tell
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
