As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am mentally ready for anal.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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