i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
