I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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