i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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