Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
