I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
