Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
