Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
