I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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