Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
